Let’s talk about the positives today first. I don’t know how many days have passed and thinking about it only makes things feel more overwhelming and more final.
While out on an ocean sweep after ensuring that every island had a sign on it, I found some sharks. They don’t look too strong as they seemed to need a little more care when attempting to tame them, but they’re now under my care. One male who is beautiful with greens and oranges, and a female that seemed to have a good bite even if her own countenance seemed weak; from the fight she’d had with one of the turtles that linger in my bay, I’m surprised she survived my attempts to put her under.
I also am working on my long whales, breeding them as much as is viable and safe to try and put my plan into action. So far, all of the children have come out strong and will be able to haul Rahl if he ends up on one of my islands. If I can get one for each island and each sign on the off chance that he somehow is here and stranded, then each whale will know how to get him back to me. They’ll know the route home and then we can try to figure out what our next steps are.
I thought I’d managed to have a good foothold as I’d not once run into any trouble outside of fearing each time Amaranth lost her footing while we scaled islands. The water is where I’m comfortable, even despite the challenges we’ve faced with squids in the deep and the collective gang of sharks and mantas that like to swarm my person each time I go in. Perhaps it was the clear water that had me complacent and cockier than I should’ve been considering the circumstances.
These things that walk on the ocean’s floor, they’re like bugs. Almost like the scorpions that terrorize the land but smaller. Each time I’ve gone out since coming here, they’ve been around my little island and I’ve paid them heed, giving them a wide berth to make sure I don’t bother them and, in turn, they don’t bother me, but today…
As previously mentioned, I was working on trying to get the male shark to mate with my female. It’d taken so long to coax him out of the depths where I saw the large long-neck whales and the massive and aggressive swimmer next to the giant cube. Shot after shot with my arrows as I let it focus on my long whale while he stayed below me, and then he began to swim away from me so I followed. I left my whale behind to eat some fish and recover as I finished the job, something I’ve done countless times.
Followed it up onto a little lip of a cliff, continuing to shoot it with my bow...and then I noticed one of those bugs. It was coming up to me, but surely I could outswim it. I’d been feeling confident in my skills, and trying to feed my newly unconscious shark before moving further away. Only then did I realize how fast it was coming toward me, and by then, it was too late. I couldn’t even get my pike out in time to try and fend it off as it stung me, straight through my leg armor.
After that, everything started going fuzzier and I started to panic so I tried to swim faster and get further, but it was faster. It kept stinging me and snapping at me, and no matter how fast I tried to swim, it was always faster and my whole body felt like it was getting heavier and heavier until everything went black.
I don’t know how long I was under for. I don’t know how long I’ll take to heal...but all I could think of is what could have happened if I’d stayed under a little while longer. What could’ve happened if the shark, who had just gone under...what if it’d woken up and mauled me. What if my helmet and air failed and I drowned while unconscious?
If I die...that’s one thing. It would hurt Rahl and I know that...I wouldn’t want to leave him alone, but he would eventually move on. If I’d died...and lost our child. Our miracle because I got complacent in the water...I don’t know if he’d survive that.
And if I’d stayed under too long and miscarried...I’d never forgive myself.
I’m not sure how it died, but when I awoke feeling trapped and groggy. I didn’t even realize I was hurt until I tried to swim up to the surface and my legs were in immense pain. My boots have fallen apart and the bottoms of my pants were ripped to shreds, but my legs...they’re swollen...cut up...turning purple around the wounds themselves.
My whale came to me and I held onto his back as we waited for the shark. I couldn’t leave it there...I couldn’t afford to after spending so much time and so many resources to get it. It was supposed to be the answer to getting fish to raise the whales to save Rahl and now I have to put it on pause. I need to make sure I’m okay.
The baby… I should’ve felt it kick by now...right? It’s large enough. I should’ve felt something… What if I was under for too long?
Would I even know?
Well...I’m writing this which means I made it back. The babies are away, and Erys won’t leave my side as Amaranth paces outside. And that voice. That weird floating thing won't stop taunting me... passing ships that aren't there...telling me it was looking for signs of life when I stay still for too long...I tried to hold a conversation with it but it didn't answer...
So I’m alone… I’m hurt and alone and I’m scared I’ve already ruined this.
I’ve had a good cry. I’ve vomited. I’ve cleaned myself up as much as I can and now I’m going to lay down for as long as I can before I have to get back to work.
I just hope Rahl is okay. I hope the baby is okay.
I hope they make it out of this alive.
~Ve